I have a habit of ending up in rather deep personal conversations with people on a regular basis and I am often times surprised by how quickly these conversations erode to a level that is not only juvenile, but downright disturbing (albeit hilarious).
A common theme will typically involve some discussion of bodily functions as just one example. If discussing such matters is beneath you, well - steer clear of me. Pooping and farting are absolutely on the table (no, not literally, you dumb ass) for open debate and discussion. Yes, there are aspects of pooping and farting worthy of debate and that may even be controversial. Not controversial in a "guns don't kill people, people kill people" sort of way, but more lighthearted in nature, of course.
Like earlier today, I chatted with a distant colleague and friend who I've known since kindergarten about bathroom etiquette in the office. He had just exited the men's room feeling somewhat embarrassed by his failure to hold back a sudden "splurge" of uncontrollable #2 and was sure that the other man in the restroom was likely grossed out. I told him I thought guys were kosher with this sort of thing in the men's room because quite frankly, my boss' office is right on the other side of the men's room and damn, I've heard some of the horrifying sounds that have reverberated through that wall. No one appears to be holding back anything and I'm eternally grateful I can't associate those sounds with the faces of my male counterparts around the office or I'd never get anything accomplished at work ever again.
I went on to explain that my perception and experience is that most women will play the waiting game with each other and try to outlast the woman/women in the neighboring stalls until they have the place to themselves. I've personally played this game before and have sat on the can doing essentially nothing while I've waited for the woman next door to just get the hell out of there. If you "win" the game, you might get a full minute or two to yourself where you can quickly do your business and carry on with your day like a proper lady who never poops. If you "lose" this game, you walk around feeling and looking like you might burst all day long until you get home where you run inside and well, explode with relief. At any rate, he thought this was really fucking weird and that I'm weird and in researching this more, I've come to learn this is an actual condition and it is shared by both men and women, so there.
Okay, wow, TMI? Yep. I sure didn't start this post with the intention of sharing all that. In fact, I meant to reference a different conversation I just had about 20 minutes ago that started on the topic of relationships, men and women, and dating and somehow concluded with us discussing clown porn. For the record, search Google for "clown porn" and go to the images. What the living hell is wrong with people? If I die and anyone looks at our home computer, I guess I will take full credit for all of the demented search terms in our Google history to spare Brent the shame of having to admit he was curious about clown porn. I may as well because I wouldn't be here to care or defend myself anyhow. I did; however, find it suspect how quickly it auto-filled the search. Hmmm....
Looking back at the beginning of this post, I did initially mention that I often get into deep personal conversations with people. So fine, the two conversations above don't seem to fairly represent what I mean, but rest assured, I've had very meaningful conversations with both of these people. I can't help that both of them share the common thread of being psychologically disturbed. Yes, I'm definitely blaming this on a shared coincidence between the two of them and not some other common denominator, like me being part of both those warped conversations.
Denial is good.
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